Please note: transcript may not be 100% accurate
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00:00
Make those mistakes. It’s okay to make those mistakes.
00:08
This is Dr. Meenal and welcome to Uncover Your Eyes, where we uncover reality. As a mom and eye doctor, I wanna know it all. If I could give advice to my younger, scared, insecure self, there would be so much of it, but I would start with things like trust the process.
00:35
The road to get where you want to go or where you’re supposed to go might be the most twisty, windy, challenging road ever, but eventually you will get where you’re meant to be. And I’m not going to say it’s not going to be a bumpy road, but at least you’re going to get where you should be. And you need to trust that process. Don’t be scared of the process. Be kind to yourself.
01:04
So many of us, especially when we’re younger, are not kind to ourselves. There’s no self-compassion. We put so much pressure on ourselves to just get things done and blame ourselves, be self-conscious. But why? We should embrace ourselves, embrace the people we are becoming, and know that we’re not perfect. Focus on growth, not perfection.
01:33
Perfect is the enemy of good enough. So focus on that growth. You can make those mistakes, you’re not gonna be perfect. But what’s important is that you’re learning from them and growing. So growth is what is gonna get you to your destination, not being perfect. So we wanna focus on the aspect of growth, not always pleasing and being perfect. Invest in relationships.
02:03
I, this is probably a big one for me. I wish I dedicated and invested more time in meaningful relationships when I was younger. Take that time. It’s not about focusing on being perfect or being the smartest all the time. You want to focus on investing in those relationships that will change your life. Be a part of your life as you get older. Take risks. Don’t
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be afraid of taking risks or stepping outside of your comfort zone. So many of us, especially as we’re younger, do not want to take those risks. Risks of traveling places that you’ve never been and are scared to go, doing certain sports, meeting certain friends at certain places, doing things as simple as going on a roller coaster. Take those risks or try to take those risks.
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and accept that it may be outside your comfort zone, but at least there might be some reward in the end and you might actually enjoy it. Prioritizing your health and taking care of yourself. When I was younger, I know that I never prioritized my health. It was not a big thing back then. People didn’t talk about their health or, you know, good foods versus bad foods or, you know, exercising. There was not so much importance around that. So I wish when I was younger, I could have focused on that.
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so that I didn’t have to focus on it as much now. But prioritizing yourself and your health is very important. Rather than focusing on pleasing other people, we want to please ourselves and take care of ourselves. So make that time, dedicate that time to focus on your physical activity, your health, your foods, and just self-care. Pursue what you love. There’s so much pressure.
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and you may not do the standard thing that everybody wants you to do, or pursue that standard sport that everybody wants you to pursue. You may step outside your comfort zone and their comfort zone and the expected comfort zone. Um, but pursue something you love, because if you love it, you will continue it and you will excel in it. You know, sometimes I’m watching the Olympics and there’s sports sometimes that I’ve never even heard of or
04:23
known that it could be a sport. And that’s so amazing because it’s something that people have started or there are certain sports that are not known as well, that people stepped out of their comfort zone to do those things or stepped out of the norm or that box of what normal is for the Olympic sports and now have made those into sports that are very popular. So I think stepping out of your comfort zone and pursuing what you love,
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is so important to know when you’re younger. Save and spend your money wisely, right? Learning how to invest, saving money, such an important skill. I’m not saying don’t spend in the present. That’s also important. Spend what you need to right now to live a comfortable life. But saving that money such that when you are older, you know, you have a family, you have that, those savings, because
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save up and we just spend, spend, spend. So it’s, it’s an important thing that younger children need to learn so that they’re able to invest their money, but also spend their money wisely. Stay curious, never stop learning. At my son’s school, they recently, you know, had a talk and they said something about, you know, the children growing into curious people.
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And that was the main aspect that they talked about. And it was so interesting how curiosity has become such a big value or such a big trait that is valued. You know, knowledge is ever needed and you always wanna learn and being curious about things is so important and wanting to learn more, grow more. So stay curious, you know, especially as you’re younger so that you can grow into the person that you want to be. Embrace change.
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Change is challenging, change is not always accepted by us, and change is scary or can be scary. But embrace change because sometimes change will lead you to the place where you’re supposed to end up or where you’re supposed to be at that moment. So trusting that process, which we talked about at the beginning, and embracing change go together. So trust the process that this change may need to happen.
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for you to get where you need to be. And don’t be afraid of change. Change is okay. Even in my own life, when there were certain changes, whether I was moving or whether I wanted to open my practice or whether I wanted to start podcasting, even going away from university, those were big changes that I was always scared of. I had never been away from university or away from my home, but I think those are things that get us where we want to be. And sometimes,
07:12
As long as it’s a safe change and it’s not harmful, we should embrace that change, especially as we’re younger. Embracing failure also goes with that. You want change, but you are okay if you fail with that change. And learning how to pick yourself back up and move along is such an important skill and trait to learn because you will not always be perfect and you will not always
07:39
win, there will be failure in your life and to learn how to embrace it quickly is really important. And I know this doesn’t have to do with failure, but I want to give you an example of, you know, one of my kids, you know, entered into a class where, you know, none of his friends were there from the previous year and they all got put in one class and he’s in the other class. And, you know, he felt really down and almost like, you know, he things are not going to go well this year, like it’s going to be a failure.
08:09
And we had to walk him through, talk him through embracing that failure almost, or that change. That you might see this as a failure that you didn’t get to be with all your friends and you didn’t, you know, and there’s change, but that’s going to help you learn resilience. Because one day when you’re older and you know, you go into a job setting or you go to a post-secondary school and you…
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are not with friends or people that you’re comfortable with, you need to still learn to accept that and move on and learn and pursue that job. So embracing that failure or that sense of failure, and failure can be different for everybody, right? Failure doesn’t have to mean the same thing. Not always, you know, failing grades or failing that test. Failure can be a feeling.
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Um, such as my son experienced almost like I’m a failure. I got separated from everybody. So that can be turned into a positive thing where eventually it can be seen as, you know, resilience and you’re able to fight for, and you’re able to make new friends and you’re able to do new things. So embrace that failure and embrace that change because those things go hand in hand and it again is going to bring you to your destination.
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and you need to trust that process. Don’t rush. So many of us feel that pressure and I don’t know if it’s societal, family, or ourselves putting pressure on ourselves, but we feel that pressure to, you know, go to school, have a family at a certain age, get married at a certain age, get a job at a certain age, be at this point in their career at a certain age. So many of us have that pressure and it has to be, it’s like a timeline or a guideline, but don’t rush.
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What is the rush, right? Anything and everything is possible at any age. I feel I’m still learning. I’m still wanting to see what I can do with my career. So don’t rush and rushing doesn’t come with happiness. Be happy with what you’re doing. Be happy with where you’re at. If you’re gonna rush, you won’t be able to embrace that time period that you’re in and just be happy with yourself and soak it all in. So there’s no…
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pressure to be where you need to be at a certain time. That being said, you know, there should be certain guidelines for completing certain projects and doing things. You obviously don’t want to be lax or completely, you know, lax where you don’t care what’s happening and you’re procrastinating. You don’t want to be rushed in this timeline of life goals. Speak up. That’s another thing I really wish that, you know, I had told my younger self because
10:54
We don’t speak up enough for whether it’s our rights or what we believe in or to our friends. And you know, this is something that I’m teaching my children now, right? So when they come home and they say to me, this person said this or this teacher said this, I say, so what did you say? What did you say? Because I don’t wanna always be, you know, complaining to the teachers or the parents. I want them to learn that important skill of speaking up for themselves and taking that ownership. It’s such an important skill.
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that I wish more of us kind of learned to speak up for ourselves. And that will be completely lost in the entitled generation that’s coming is we’re gonna always rely on our parents to complain for us or tell on other students for us. We’re not gonna speak up. Speak up in your workplace as well, right? Make sure that your voice is heard, whether it’s you want certain changes to happen that may make the clinic better. You want to speak up.
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for what you believe in and what you feel needs to be done. I know at my clinics, we always, you know, any touch base, any meetings, we always ask, you know, our doctors and our team what changes can happen in order for there to be a positive shift in environment or better patient care. And I always encourage everybody to speak up because…
12:16
This is the time for you to say what you want to say and make those changes. It’s really sad if someone leaves a job feeling like they couldn’t speak up, but they never had the courage to speak up. So you also have to have that courage to speak up when you’re given that opportunity. And I think that’s really important. There’s a, there’s another whole aspect to growing up or my younger self, and that’s the parental pressure and the societal pressure. And I want to say they go hand in hand.
12:43
You know, as a South Asian growing up, I had a lot of both. And I think so many of us culturally had these pressures. And I feel those things are that pressure is only getting worse for our children. But that pressure is something that we also need to deal with. So, you know, I have a lot of advice that I want to give my younger self such that maybe it would have alleviated that pressure a little bit. Understanding, you know, your parents or society’s intentions.
13:11
but setting boundaries within your head. So listen to them, especially your parents, they only have good intentions and they want you to do well and to succeed. But setting boundaries in your head, taking in what they say and knowing that it’s not the be all and end all and making good decisions for yourself and make sure they’re good for you, your health, your long-term goals. So…
13:39
soaking it in, but setting those boundaries such that you’re not going to listen to everything if it doesn’t feel right for you. Too many of us have killed our dreams because of societal pressures and not done what we wanted to do because of societal pressures. So again, set those boundaries in your head and know what’s right for you. You don’t have to please everyone. Know that for sure. It’s better to fulfill yourself than
14:07
turn towards external validation. Fulfill yourself first, focus on yourself. Do not worry about pleasing everyone. You cannot, it will never happen. And there’s certain people you can just never please. And so why continuously try and feel bogged down, right? Focus that energy inwards on pleasing yourself, fulfilling yourself, fulfilling your needs, focusing on your health.
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and focusing on positive relationships as well. So don’t always turn to others for that external validation. You don’t need to please anyone. Be patient with yourself. There is so much pressure again, that we feel to rush and fulfill these societal or parental pressures, but be patient with yourself. You will get there when you want to get there, and you will get there when you need to get there. Again, trust the process. And know that
15:05
There’s no timeline or there’s no guideline you have to meet. And you just want to be patient with yourself and embrace yourself, fulfill yourself. So don’t feel that societal pressure. Make, set those boundaries in your head so you know that you don’t have to fulfill what society wants you to or feels is the norm that you should be achieving. Communicate honestly. You know, this was something
15:32
I wish I did more of with my parents, but I don’t know if, you know, with a South Asian background, sometimes it’s hard, especially with parents who have moved from India, that we don’t know if we can communicate so honestly with them. And, you know, I always felt that hesitation. Should I tell them? Should I not tell them? But I think as long as you’re being honest and calm and you sit down with your parents and you try to explain certain things, I think they will eventually understand. And I think it’s important to help relieve
16:01
both of us, you know, both parties to be able to communicate. And the communication really lacks in our younger years with our parents. And I think that is such an important key aspect to keep that door open. And I think now what I’ve learned from that is with my kids, I’m constantly maybe over-communicating, um, wanting to know things.
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but it’s so easy to fall off that bandwagon and kind of lose that communication as a child with your parent. So it’s important to keep those doors open and communicate honestly. I think that’s where a lot of anxiety builds with children at home is they get anxious because they don’t know if they can communicate with their parents. And so you want to keep those doors always open and honest. And another aspect I wanna add to the honesty thing is,
16:47
Kids can be scared. So my younger self was always scared to tell my parents, you know, the truth, but it’s okay and learn that our kids will, you know, might be scared, but we want to give them that comfort of knowing if they’re honest to us, there won’t always be these negative consequences. We are gonna understand and teach them about change and how to rectify the situation. So it kind of comes with…
17:12
Children not wanting to be honest, but also being scared of the consequences they might face if they are honest. And redefining success on your own terms, right? Success could be you are successfully DJing somewhere, you are a successful doctor, you are a successful author of a book, you are a successful singer. Redefine success on your own terms. You do not have to do what’s normal, what’s the standard.
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Now, you know, especially now in this day and age, success is anything. You know, we see YouTube influencers that are super successful. I think you can make anything a career as long as you’re passionate about it. So don’t feel success is this cookie cutter. You know, I have to be this, this, this. When we were younger, it was the lawyer, the engineer, or the doctor. It doesn’t have to be that anymore. And maybe that won’t bring you happiness. So it’s better that you redefine success on your own terms.
18:09
and you feel fulfilled. Take time for that self-reflection as well. Remove that external noise. You do not want that noise from society and parents constantly in your head. So remove that external noise and just take time for that self-reflection. Think daily, even if you take five minutes of your time daily or every few days, see what’s going on in my life, what can I change?
18:33
you know, what relationship should I work on? Self-reflecting is so important. I never did that as a child. And now I do that, you know, as an adult, but I wish I did that. And that’s such great advice that I could give my younger self or those that are younger listening on the podcast is invest in that self-reflection time because that’s the only time you can speak to yourself. And that’s so important. And seeking support beyond just your family.
19:00
Right? You want to seek support beyond just your family, because sometimes those pressures are from your parents or your immediate family members and the society. And so you wanna seek support beyond that. And sometimes you just cannot communicate with them. So for me, my support system, not as my younger self, but I think as I got a bit older, and I wish I had this when I was younger, was my best friend who was actually my business partner. We met much later in life, but
19:29
Um, you know, for me, she was my rock. I mean, anything I needed advice, I knew it would be honest coming from her. She would never take me off the tracks. It would be honest. She would tell me it like it is protect me from doing something wrong. And, and she still does, but communicating with her about everything is, is so important that, you know, helps me feel fulfilled.
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validated and corrected, you know, correcting me where I’m wrong and accepting me for who I am, my crazy self. We are polar opposites. I’m high strung, you know, anxiety, stressed out all the time, have a hundred things going on and she’s calmer. And, you know, we keep ourselves, keep each other balanced, kind of like a relationship should be or a healthy relationship should be. And, you know, we’ve been successful business partners for years and best friends. And I think…
20:20
It’s important to seek those relationships outside just your immediate family or your, you know, the societal pressures and build those meaningful relationships where you can count on them and get their support. The last thing I want to stress to my younger self is make the mistakes. Make those mistakes. It’s okay to make those mistakes. Make them because if you don’t make them, you won’t learn and you will might make them when you’re much older and they might have…
20:49
bigger consequences. So make those mistakes, whether it’s investing money in the wrong stock, whatever it is, make those mistakes, but don’t be scared to do those things. Make those mistakes then, because if you’re making them when you’re much older and have a lot more money and you’re investing a lot more money, that might have a bigger consequence. So make those mistakes as a younger self, because it is so important to learn from them. If we’re not learning from them, we won’t understand the consequences and we will make bigger mistakes. So…
21:18
Embrace those mistakes, embrace that change. Despite what society or parents tell us, you know, that you can’t make a mistake, everything has to be perfect, even when you’re younger. And what is society going to think? No, make the mistakes because you are only going to learn and be a better person from them. Lastly, you know, I want to end with saying you need to grow through this experience of being yourself, discovering yourself, learning who you want to be and who you are, fulfilling yourself.
21:48
So trust the process. That’s the one thing I wish I told myself constantly was trust the process. Don’t rush. You don’t have to get there tomorrow. Um, trust the process, focus on growth, not perfection, set boundaries with societal parental expectations, and just fill your bucket and don’t fill anyone else’s because you don’t need to please anyone else in this world.
22:16
Thank you listeners and viewers for tuning in. If you want to catch more episodes of Uncover Your Eyes, make sure to follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube. To learn more about me, follow me on Instagram @Dr.MeenalAgarwal Until next time, keep those eyes uncovered!